I think I am in a bit
of a rut, or, if you wanted to put a better spin on it, a holding pattern. Not
enough progress is being made toward getting me the rest of the way out of here
and on to the next. I am wasting time and hiding out. I’m not being overtly
self-destructive, nor am I depressed, which is always a hallelujah moment. Maybe it’s a plateau with a slight dip.
The next day.
Feeling sad and spacey and emotional and scared. But, again, not really depressed. It's evening again. I had a surprisingly intense and emotional chat with C&J and feel ungrounded. I poured a short glass of white wine, grabbed Emmylou, and came out back to put my bare feet in the blooming thyme again. There's a bee making his rounds, as well.
We covered a lot of interesting and insightful ground during our Skype; now the challenge will be to integrate it in a meaningful way. C&J were particularly on today, sharp, poetic, perceptive. Maybe the biggest a-ha for me came during a discussion about value, recycling, lightening the possessions load, and waste. C made the observation that while I attempt to save and recycle almost everything to minimize waste, I do speak about myself that I have wasted my life.
Take a breath there.
Not worth conserving, protecting, using to the best and fullest advantage? Now, that's something to think about.
I'll be back upstate by early next week. While I am eager to resume my walks with Albert, talks with M, dinner with M&J, and all the books around ( :-) ), I am saying goodbye to some things here: the rose of sharon bushes that dot the yard, the phlox that are half my height, the thyme lawn, the grape arbor, Emmylou's collar bell tinkling a signal that she is nearby but mostly the skyline of trees where I have watched the clouds and many a sunset.
 |
| Waking up companion. |
The next day.
Feeling sad and spacey and emotional and scared. But, again, not really depressed. It's evening again. I had a surprisingly intense and emotional chat with C&J and feel ungrounded. I poured a short glass of white wine, grabbed Emmylou, and came out back to put my bare feet in the blooming thyme again. There's a bee making his rounds, as well.
We covered a lot of interesting and insightful ground during our Skype; now the challenge will be to integrate it in a meaningful way. C&J were particularly on today, sharp, poetic, perceptive. Maybe the biggest a-ha for me came during a discussion about value, recycling, lightening the possessions load, and waste. C made the observation that while I attempt to save and recycle almost everything to minimize waste, I do speak about myself that I have wasted my life.
Take a breath there.
Not worth conserving, protecting, using to the best and fullest advantage? Now, that's something to think about.
I'll be back upstate by early next week. While I am eager to resume my walks with Albert, talks with M, dinner with M&J, and all the books around ( :-) ), I am saying goodbye to some things here: the rose of sharon bushes that dot the yard, the phlox that are half my height, the thyme lawn, the grape arbor, Emmylou's collar bell tinkling a signal that she is nearby but mostly the skyline of trees where I have watched the clouds and many a sunset.
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