APART, NOT A PART

Maybe they are more aware of the gap between men and beasts, being more occupied with the likenesses, the links, the whole of which living things are a part.
— Ursula K. LeGuin, The Left Hand of Darkness

Still working through my stockpile of quotes from books I have been recently reading.I even have some The Brothers Karamazov in the queue. Happily, my Kermit Place Readers were able to share some insights and frustrations about our current undertaking, and so, we press on. 

Raining quite a bit here in Brooklyn today. Grey, cool, and, of course, wet. 

Which is kind of how I am feeling. I caught up with one of the B's this morning. We hadn't seen one another for such a long time, and only had 90 minutes or so, that we made an agenda and took turns talking. That worked out well. We covered a lot of ground and we can go deeper next time. We made a date to go see Amadou & Miriam and Bombino at Celebrate Brooklyn in two weeks. And I may get a free ticket to see this B in her off-Broadway play, My Big Fat Gay Italian Funeral.

Meanwhile, the other B is coming over for dinner and John and Mel's in about an hour, so I should get up and get cooking. Making chicken breasts with mushrooms and rosemary, roasted broccoli, maybe sauteed boy chok and spinach, and basmati rice. John and Mel both have to work late (and Mel started early as she started with a trim for me!) but I am sure they will be happy to come home to laughter, wine, and a nice dinner.

Meanwhile, I am feeling a bit sad, and I think part of it is this spying business that our supposedly liberal government is conducting on all of us average joes. I find it enormously upsetting, particularly when coupled with the persecution of Bradley Manning, the other crack-downs on whistleblowers, and all the rest of the perfidy going down. I guess if we are not in a corporation or an approved arm of the government, we are not them, we are separated. Not a part.

I enjoyed being on the subway yesterday and seeing the mulitplicity of humans. I took some, I think, nice shots of what my KPR pal Emily refers to as "fellow travelers."

Oh, and before you look, here's a birthday shout out to my stalwart, EJB, truly trying to keep it, and keep it real, out in La-la Land. Much love, sistah.

This is my favorite.

This fellow was exceptionally good-looking, but ya don't see that here. 

WAKE UP, PONDER ALL THE WORLD'S TROUBLE

At least this morning's soundtrack is pleasant, Percy Mayfield's Please Send Me Someone to Love, (Eric Burden's is not the version in my head, but the others were copy written protected ... and it gets better).

Back in Brooklyn for another two nights. I came down to see Patty Griffin kick off the Celebrate Brooklyn bandshell season. She was quite good, but I wasn't close enough to be immersed in the music as I like, so while I enjoyed it, I felt distant. What do I want for $3.00 (suggested donation). 

At any rate, the evening was lovely, like exquisitely chilled wine, producing just a slight frisson of coolness. The air was clear. The people sitting around me were not too noisy or anything, didn't talk too much through the music.

I am staying with John and Mel, my old building, and I can finally be here without feeling the loss and the wanting of my old apartment. Getting used to it. That's a relief. 

Tonight is my book group and I will have likely read this month's assignment although I am no close to understanding what the point of The Brothers Karamazov is. I will do some internet research a bit later to see if I can get some insight. One of the B's is in the group and she, too, is challenged by this one. I can see Dostoevsky's brilliance as writer, but man, this is a tough read. I am enjoying listening to Crime and Punishment much more. 

I suppose my other option is to listen to The Brothers Karamazov as I had long ago purchased (and forgotten) this from audible.com. We shall see.

Today is cooler, only getting up to 71 today and rain tonight. 

So on with the day.

Cooder and Emmy enjoying the porch.

WEATHER SWEET AND LIGHT

Road trip with Albert.

Huzzah! Success in sleep! Oh so lovely. And Cooder was comfortable enough, the weather having broken, to sleep in her usual places, mostly on my pillow in purring distance of my head. That really makes a difference. And I should get back to sleep now, but I started listening to another book, The Giver, which is kind of a Young Adult novel recommended to me by my fellow blogger and friend, AJB. This book won the Newberry Award in 1994. I was a little dubious at first, but AJB told me that it had a good twist and to hang in there. Now, I can barely stop listening.

The weather was as sweet and light as the best dessert you have ever eaten. Utterly delightful. M, having her Tuesday off and her daughter A only home for a short time before moving West for a job, decided we could all go on a field trip to the Walkway Over the Hudson, a former railroad bridge that has been refashioned as a cool National Park/Historical Site. The weather was pretty darn perfect, if a bit bright and we all enjoyed it immensely.

After a pit stop and tour at Louise's in Rhinebeck, we headed home. The rest of the evening was spent trying to stay awake and listening to The Giver and Crime and Punishment. Well, at least part of that time I was working on cleaning my room, organizing my winter clothes, and duct taping together an ancient dresser drawer that is falling apart. I need to complete some more tasks before I head down to Brooklyn/Manhattan for a few days.

I did read The Brothers Karamazov in the car today. I am having a very challenging time with it. It's very dense and thematically unusual for me, being about Russia, families, sex, and religion, so far. This is not to say that it is bad, but I am so struggling so much just to figure out what the hell is going on at all, that I feel as if I am missing quite a bit. I suppose this is why folks read it more than once. 

From Night and Day:

She lives, you know, one of those odious, self-centered lives—at least, I think them odious for a woman—feeding her wits upon everything, having control of everything, getting far too much her own way at home—spoilt, in a sense, feeling that every one is at her feet, and so not realizing how she hurts—that is, how rudely she behaves to people who haven't all her advantages.


This puts me in mind of the quote that ended my post from a day or two ago,

Obliviousness is a luxury of privilege. - Allison Glock

THE MOON IN THE STREET

Nasturtiums digging life.

June 3rd, 2:30 a.m.

At 5:00 p.m., I was so tired I could barely speak English or keep my head off of the kitchen table during dinner. It's now 2:08 a.m. and I could watch Episode 3 of Borgen. I don't get it. Was I, am I supposed to go to bed when I am sleepy? I was afraid to take a nap because it might keep me up. And here I am anyway.

Just sayin'.

June 3rd, 1:57 p.m.

Well, finally fell asleep but was woken by multiple calls to my telephones before 9, so sleeping in was out. That's bound to make me a little bit cranky.

I spend almost every night thinking about death, thinking about losing my mom and Cooder. Every. Day. I finally decided to take Cooder in and get her checked out. I know I have been talking about this for months, but she has taken to sleeping under the bed quite a bit. As I might have mentioned a couple of days ago, this could be due to the heat. She still eats and comes downstairs every day. I mean, it could be something that is  treatable, that will help her be more comfortable. And I have dilly-dallied long enough, worrying about that, too. So we are going to the vet in an hour. Just do it.

But I am almost in tears. Is that due to exhaustion? 

June 3rd, 6:53 p.m.

I swear someone in this neighborhood gets off work and then either rides around on his power mower from 5:00 or until dark, or he is a recreational chainsawer. I realize not everyone is as sensitive to this kind of noise as I am. After all, the noise of air conditioning is one reason I eschew it in most situations. But seriously, what the fuck could this person be doing every night for several hours? Non.Stop.

Okay, well, whew. Off for a while. 

I tried napping but could only doze. Hopefully, I got enough rest to not be a danger to myself or others.

The news from the vet was encouraging. Cooder has only lost a few ounces, nothing to be particularly concerned about. No masses or anything (there that engine goes again) so no obvious signs of cancer. They did an x-ray, which I had to say was pretty cool, having never seen a pet x-ray before, and that all looked pretty good for a kitteh her age. She has some arthritis in her lower spine, but nothing crazy. They did some more blood work which is hella-expensive, so we will see how things have changed in six months. But nothing obvious. So $350-dollars-I-don't-have-later, I can chill out a little bit.

The night was very still, and on such nights, when the traffic thins away, the walker becomes conscious of the moon in the street, as if the curtains of the sky had been drawn apart, and the heavens lay bare, as it does in the country. — Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

9:29 p.m.

Almost a respectable bed time. I am a mini-mess today. Sometimes I miss Carl (my brother so much). I was just watching this Emmylou Harris clip and remembering how Carl hipped me to Vince Gill being a good musician and how I wish I could talk to him about this. And how Carl was with us, though much younger, when we first saw Emmylou before her first record came out at the Long Beach Bluegrass Festival. I met Jerry Garcia there, for the first of a couple of times, as he was playing with the Great American String Band, a short-lived band that included Vassar Clements, David Grisman, and Taj Mahal.

In other news, I was able to coax Cooder out from under the bed and she is in her appropriate place on my pillows. It might be cool enough for some cuddling and purring, which my soul could use. As I watch Episode 3 of Borgen, she is snoring. I am smiling.

Peony in the sun.

GET WHAT HE COULD OUT OF THAT

But as it fell in accurately with his conception of life that all one's desires were bound to be frustrated, he concentrated his mind upon literature, and determined, philosophically, to get what he could out of that. — Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

Okay. Quote of the day dispensed with. Very muggy. Heard various rumors that ... wait, these are not rumors, these are weather predictions. It's not as if people are running around here whispering in each other's ears that a big thunder and rainstorm is expected in the next few hours. I didn't water today as I kept expecting the rain to start, but then it would get sunny again.

A rough night again. I was up late and had to work very hard to not get bummed and freaked out in another long dark night of the insomniac soul. M woke me at a reasonable breakfast hour to make sure I got in on A's (excellent) waffle action. I tried to stay awake after but was not successful. I didn't sleep long or deeply enough, and when I finally got up again I never really woke up. Well, except now, sort of.


The best news of the day was that the first of my bulbs bloomed. Here is the spraxis! Yay. Very exciting. And buds a-cumen.

Der family had a beach day, so I lazed around working on knitting projects and watched Behind the Candelabra. Two words: Rob.Lowe. Unbelievably creepy as the plastic surgeon. He's just such a fun actor these days.

I got back out to work on the screened-in porch as it was not as intelligence intensive as trying to organize my desk or read The Brothers Karamazov. Yeah, behind again. I guess I will have my work cut out for me tomorrow on that score as I plan to take some sleeper's helpers and make sure I don't have another ridiculously late and fraught night. No reading. Or watching the new season of Arrested Development, which is what I ended up doing last night when I couldnt' sleep. (So far, not impressed.)

The pets very much enjoyed the results of my (our, can't forget all that A did yesterday) labors. 

There's Cooder on the left, Emmylou on the right, and Albert in the back right.

E and C hung out on the porch this evening, test-drove, and approved of it as a hang-out area. So all good there.

It has some charm, nest-ce pas?

And so, really to bed. I think I need to shower before I sleep as I didn't get around to it earlier today and I am a bit sticky from the work and the day.

And here comes the rain. (Wow, a Grateful Dead quote without really meaning it.)

Emmylou having a nap.

Peonies are blooming.

Cat-peony action photo!

Got to leave you with this quote I nabbed from the New York Times Sunday Book Review today:

"Obliviousness is a luxury of privilege."
- Allison Glock

NEITHER BRIGHT NOR DARK TINTS

Adirondack lilacs.

Yes, it is getting late. I've been on the go pretty much all day and am hopeful that I will be able to sleep. And now that I think of it, I'll take a bit of sleeping medication to make sure I don't toss and turn too much.

It was cooler by two degrees but it certainly did not feel this way late this afternoon. M, A, E, and I all sat around the family room much like panting dogs, waiting for the sun to go down. This global warming business is surely not going to be any picnic 

Worried about Cooder, of course, but thinking it is mostly the heat that is getting her down. She's eating and drinking and will come to me when I call her, so I'll just continue to monitor her. 

A and I did some deep cleaning on the screened-in porch and got some of the pretty white lights hung which make the room quite pleasant. There was a power outage this afternoon for an hour or two. While we were waiting for electricity again, I just lost all my energy. I had to sit around stinky and sweaty for quite awhile until the power was restored. It was out in the whole town. 

We also had a sweet barbecue. I made two different flavors of chicken (balsamic-rosemary and an Asian black pepper). I also pulled out the baby bok choy that has been sitting around for a couple of weeks (at least). I trimmed off the dead parts, chopped up the rest, lightly steamed, and then marinated in a sesame-soy-garlic-rice wine marinade with cut up cucumbers and sesame seeds. Quite tasty. M made a different, more Italian flavored cucumber marinated salad. Happy happy joy joy.

More Adirondack lilacs.

I did make my reading goal in The Brothers K today, but I am still very confused about what I am reading about. Sometimes I like it, but I do feel lost as to what I am reading about. There's a lot about Russian religion, about which I know almost nothing. Yet we persevere.

Here's my Night and Day quote of the day:


Each moment was to be, as far as he could make it, complete in itself, owing nothing of its happiness to explanations, borrowing neither bright nor dark tints from the future.

BREAD AND BUTTER IN HER HAND

It was hot again today, and muggy portending the rain we are supposed to get again (I think). Yeah, it was 90 degrees but it is supposed to fall to 61 tonight, which means I can sleep without the fans. And no thundershowers until Sunday. Tomorrow will be only 88, which means I can tell myself it is cool enough to be productive.

I'm still surfing or skirting the depression wave, but my head has staid mostly above water. As per usual (for most of us), I never get as much done as I think I should, but I did get things done. Like I finally made it to the post office and I think my brother David's birthday card will actually be on time. Like I finally mailed my mom's Mother's Day tribute. And I even mailed off some curtains to Larry in Schroon Lake for the downstairs rather than keeping them and guilt tripping myself for not liking or wanting them anymore even though they are nice curtains. And! I finished knitting another scarf that no one wants! Just have to do the finishing touches. And start another.

There's just been a bit of weight off of my mind getting that Monsterwood edit done. I started cleaning my desk (high time), and installing the drivers to actually get my new printer  ... which I have had since October or November ... actually working.

Cooder is looking awfully thin and spent a lot of the day under our bed, but I think that was mostly to do with the heat. I can't imagine it is cooler there than on the porch with the fans on us, but what do I know? Emmylou staid around today, following me from place to place.

Yes money and work are getting to me again, having finally come to the end of my Amazon money. I stretched out that stuff.

I think J is on the deck playing bass, but as it is dark out there, I cannot tell where he is. It's appropriately broody and muggy. M is going to the Marcus Samuelsson restaurant in Harlem tomorrow for brunch, so she's headed to bed.

I need to get something on my poison ivy! Yes! There is more. And finish my Brothers K reading for the day.

I suspect this is Brewster's swimming hole.

Yesterday, I took down a bunch of quotes from Night and Day (Virginia Woolf, you will recall). 

"If I am late, don't wait for me," she said. "I shall have dined," and so saying, she left them.

"But she can't—" William exclaimed as the door shut, "not without any gloves and bread and butter in her hand!"

Oh, and don't miss this Meygan Kelly taking down Lou Dobbs and some other asshat of the first degree.

ART CAN BE GODDAMNED HARD

Yes, it is plenty easy to complain. Hot hot hot. Muggy muggy muggy. Stupid stupid stupid. Lethargic lethargic lethargic. 

The pets and I spent a fair amount of time on the screened-in porch today, me editing Monsterwood and making progress in The Brothers Karamazov, them sleeping and looking at me accusatorially. We needed a fan out there as there is no air moving at all.

As it turns out, a cold beer tastes hella-good on a hot evening. I had kind of forgotten, but as Anna and her friend Brianna made a fabulous summer pasta dinner (basil, tomatoes, garlic, mozzarella, olive oil YUM!), I broke my alcohol fast. Then again, I don't like how rapidly one gets tipsy in this hot weather.

I barely left the house today, so I will need to get out early tomorrow before I become incapacitated with heat again. 

I finally finished my edit of Monsterwood and am feeling quite accomplished in that regard. I had plenty of other, distracting options such as the summer clothes hunt, washing the woodwork on the screened-in porch and hanging the new white lights, cleaning the refrigerator (always an option), etc. But I told myself that I needed to get this edit done so that Jason and Louise and the world were not waiting for me.

I had too much sugar today, but I can be better tomorrow.

And I finished Crazy in the Kitchen, thus getting up to date on my 52 book reading challenge for the year! I do need to make better headway in The Brothers K as the group meets next Thursday. 

"On this day, preoccupied with a piece of writing that has not been very much fun in the making, I am cranky. I think, This is one message—that music is fun—but not the most important message. The arts, I think, aren't just fun. They're essential. They're bone, flesh, blood, sinew, should, spirit. And art can be hard, goddamned hard. To make, to witness."
—Louise DeSalvo, Crazy in the Kitchen

GROOVE AND ZEN

View from stalled traffic. Not quite the 405.

Again with the sleepiness! This time the time is 8:12 and I could put head on this pillow and leave again. I took a nice nap with Cooder and Emmylou on the screened-in porch just awhile ago. Well, two hours ago. Last night, I tossed and turned and almost went to midnight bummer land, but managed to pull out and eventually sleep. I don't get it. 

The moods today were like flying through variable skies. There were moments that looked as if they would be seatbelt-in-your-seats rough, emotionally and perceptually speaking, but then there would moments of groove and zen. The trick is to stay in the air, stay flying, I suppose.

C-cat chillaxing on the couch.

Three hours of wasted time later. Well, I did listen to a bit of Crime and Punishment (almost through the second of three discs) and unload the dishwasher, so it was not entirely wasted. 

It's already hot. Wait. Wasn't I worried about snow just the other day? Well, time for a fan down here. 

Finally made some progress in The Brothers Karamazov. It is dense, but much more amusing than I would have thought. I think I tried to read the Constance Garnett (her translation came out in 1912) version as some things seem vaguely familiar. But this newer translation, Pevear and Volokhonsky, is already 23 years old. God was 1990 that long ago? What have I been reading? Hell, what have I been doing? Alright. No time to answer that. I should try to actually sleep.

Ah, some trees and breeze.

Can't get as close.

NIGHT BIRDS CHIRPING

Back in Brewster as of this afternoon. Liz drove Mr. Volny and myself all the way down to Poughkeepsie where Mr. Volny and I had grease bomb paninis and parted ways, him to Amtrack and Brooklyn, me to the car. We staid up late on our last night in Schroon Lake, drinking white wine, a little bit of Glenfiddich (which we could really have done without ... that one was my bad), and watched some great footage, mostly of the Rolling Stones sitting in with Muddy Waters in a club in the early 1980s. The surprise of the night was Cyndi Lauper's blues performance which amazed both of us. It was the way to end a nice rainy weekend get-away.

Las gatas were extremely pleased to see me and I them. Albert was happy too, giving me the full-chickie-in-mouth-wiggly-butt-moanin'-dog welcome. Emmylou has followed me around and even took a nap on the bed with me and Cooder. Cooder, of course, curled up by my head and purred. I am sitting in bed, reading the end of Crazy in the Kitchen, wondering if I have enough brain space to tackle a couple of pages of The Brothers Karamazov. Emmy has come up with me (she danced around the kitchen table, getting lost in Emily's long skirt during dinner) and is settling down in the corner by the door where she often sleeps.

It rained here this afternoon, although the birds are celebrating the evening quite vociferously. I could use a bit of sun to cheer me as I gear up to hit real life and get moving on getting something like a career back on track. I am giving myself a full vacation day today and not doing my curating job which I generally do 7 days a week. I don't know what's going on in the world today and that's all right with me.



So, although it is only 8 o'clock, I am calling it a night. J brought home some chardonnay with which to tempt me, but, although I managed this trip without getting drunk (no hangovers!!!), I did drink every day and my body needs a rest. Time for cleaner living. So I can get ready to go back on July 4th!

More to come.

WE SEEM TO ATTRACT DEAD ANIMALS HERE

Here's the movie theater.

"Joey D is a serious camper." (Overheard at Miriam's Morningstar Cafe. This was said in a pure Brooklyn 'hood accent.)

"Where does one learn to be a character? Upbringing or innate?"

"We seem to attract dead animals here."

"You know what I love? Ace Hardware!"

Here's the street. This was an accident.

These were things I have heard and managed to get down in the last five days here in the Adirondacks. 

Der cabin.

Mr. Volny and I are seated at the kitchen table in Pottersville, reading and listening to music while L naps and L does work. I haven't had very good internet connectivity so doing my curating job and writing here has been challenging. 

The weather has been quite overcast if not outrightly rainy for most of the time we've been here. It's sunnier today, but already getting nippy. We had heard a weather report that it would be down to 20 degrees tonight, but last I checked, the prediction was more like 37.

The woods and the stream outside the cabin.

Yesterday we braved the weather and drove out to Fort Ticonderoga. What a beautiful setting. It was just too damn cold to linger outside given that I was slightly underdressed.

 So, we had nice naps, good meals, lots of wine, beer, Mr.P's Mountain Smokehouse goodies, and laughter. Mr. Volny and I both got lots of reading done. I finally finished the Virginia Woolf, Night and Day. That was a book wherein it always seemed as if I were 50 pages from the end ... an ever-receding horizon of completion. And I managed to get through the end of The Storm of Swords, too! Now, I have about 8 days to read 165 pages of The Brothers Karamazov. I do feel reading "unburdened" though. 

Not sure what we are doing on our last evening. Looking forward to seeing the Brewster peeps and the kittens. And on to the next?

AZALEAS AND THE END OF THE DOGWOODS

It's raining pink dogwood blossoms in the front yard. The fall isn't heavy enough to frolic under, but they drift down and across the front lawn, from time to time getting my corner-of-the-eye attention. Cooder is sitting in that open window and is either part of the view or a block. She must see a bird out there as she is rapt. Well, maybe she can't exactly see since she is partly blind, but her ears are perked and moving.

A couple of days later.

Now it is just hellaciously pouring as I put the final items into my bag in preparation for my trip to Schroon Lake later today. It's very dark out there and still fairly muggy, even though it is raining. I have the fan in my room going.

I'VE GOT THE RELIGION

“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.” — Terry Pratchett

I nabbed that quote from T McN.

And indeed we, we being Mr. Volny and I, are in Schroon Lake. Mr. Volny is still abed. I am down at the Morningstar Cafe having crepes and lattes and doing my social media job. We took the train and were picked up by Liz in Albany and drove the rest of the way.

Here's my view. 

A bunch of young dudes from New York (and very proud of that) just came in to get some (good) coffee. Johnny Rivers is singing "Baby, I Need Your Lovin'" (Excellent go-go dancers in the clip.)

The Strand (movie) Theater opens tonight with Ironman 3, which I have not yet seen. Mr. Volny has seen it but is game to see it again. It's a rainy day, which is not so good for this resort community that depends on summer trade to get through the entire year. 

We staid up very very late, past 2:15, watching and listening to music dvds, laserdiscs, etc. Very loud. L is an audiophile/master of the sort you don't meet every day. The sounds was loud and so wonderfully pure. The couch was vibrating from the volume, but it was pure heaven. I have been telling Mr. Volny about this for some time, trying to get him to pay a visit. He turned to me after some thundering Rolling Stones and said "I've got the religion." Many many many beers were consumed. But not by me.

So, the day may be spent in some people napping. I might be able to finish one of my damn books for book group and get started on the next one.

And it is the birthday of someone very special.